Bump In The Night

What a CUTE house this was. A ranch in a GREAT neighborhood owned by the bank so it was a quick sale. We walk in, mom with the professional nose says it smells wet and mildew so we're a little skeptical but all is well. Oh the kitchen has no roof because it caved in, fine fine, no appliances, no problem... keep going keep going OH MY WORD, there's a bump that goes throughout the entire master bedroom. I'm sorry, not a bump more like a tidal wave. If you roll a quarter on it (which we did) it was COOL RUNNINGS II I mean full on Olympic status ski slope. Turns out the previous owner wanted to redo the house with his bare hands (my guess is, he used those same hands to take multiple trips to the bar down the road) I'm not even kidding you. There is a full on hill in the middle of the house. Can you picture it now: AND NEXT UP ON QVC WE HAVE DO IT YOURSELF CALF PUMPERS, JUST 4 MINUTES A DAY A LITTLE PUMP PUMP ON THE HOUSE HUMP AND YOU HAVE CALVES TO KILL! My guess is his ex wife is burried under the master bedroom. To make his addition even more incredible, the bathroom has a sewer plug in it. But not just in it, I mean right when you step out of the shower. You'll have to amputate your toe from stubbing it so many times. Or if you're really lucky, the sewer will over flow and you'll have poo poo water in your bathroom/bedroom.